Love To Dos: Cheat Sheet (Quick Reference Guide)

Try 1-2 items on 1 of the “to do” each day… resist doing at least 1 of the “To Don’ts” every day. Don’t try this all at once. Commit to 1 or 2 changes / day. Your relationship will turn around fast….

Practice sharing feelings in a prayerful and poetic way. (I feel lost at sea… I feel enamored of this beautiful sunset… I feel nostalgic and maybe even a bit sad imagining my mom and dad danced here so many years ago… ”

Practice “present timing” using objects, sights, senses, smells, and sounds…

Listen to the traffic deeply. How does it feel in your body to hear the buzzing of the cars?

Smell soaps and candles or the grass and even the air as you walk… How does the smell feel in your body?

Watch candles dance… How does it feel in your body watching a candle dance?

These sorts of things will heal you and open you to be a more receptive woman. They will also protect you. As you are more aware of your feelings, you become open and boundaried at the same time. This is the elixir that draws a man in and also heals you to choose wisely. It does both… And you need both.

Good things to say to a man  – cheat sheet

Hmmm…
Hmmm… ok
Hmmm… that’s interesting
Awwww… you’re so sweet
Ok
Ok 🙂
What do you think?
I feel…
This feels…
It feels…
I don’t want…
Maybe
I don’t know

When a man asks you to do something say either 1. Ok… or “sure, that feels good to me” or… 2. I don’t know… I feel unsure about that… or … staying home feels good to me … 3) I don’t feel good driving… or I feel so busy today. It feels hard to fit that in… or… “I’m not up for xyz” or… 4) BEST yet when possible… share the boundary in positive terms rather than negative – i.e. sharing what does feel good to you (EG: he asks you to drive to his area or meet halfway for a date – “I feel good meeting in my neighborhood.What do you think?” or “I feel a bit old-fashioned. I’m not up for meeting halfway on a date.” or “I feel so beat after a long week. I’m not feeling up to the drive” or “I’m not up for XYZ town. ABC town feels good to me. What do you think?”

Do…

Make eye contact and smile. Hold eye contact, get used to it. Desensitize yourself to intimacy and it will become easy and comfortable for you.

Listen a lot and listen deeply. Become a good deep listener. Learn how to enter the world of the speaker with your imagination. It’s a practice. And it’s actually fun. Grounding and healing. Life becomes richer and you will feel connected to the person in your company and less lonely overall as a result. A whole new world.

Express appreciation when a man gives to you. (Ways to appreciate without giving and stealing his thunder – a smile, a head tilt, a slow brief rub on his arm or shoulder… a kiss on the cheek and “awww, you’re so sweet…”, sharing what you love about the GIFT, not about him (wow, what a beautiful arrangement of flowers, I adore them…)

For texting… A few good replies…

It feels good to hear from you…
Awwww, you’re so sweet
hugs
I feel so good hearing that…

A single emoji :-)... a great reply text when a man is winding down or closing a conversation (leaves the ball in his court without dropping it – it’s good to bounce a ball back when he’s tossing it your way – not good to initiate… not good  to reopen an exchange that is winding down or has wound down… this feels like pressure and smothering to him… it is pursuing and it pushes him away… he may stay in touch if you do but he will  tire of it… he will feel annoyed and he won’t know why after a while… let him pursue you… phone… date …  text… email… if he is the man for you, he will keep moving things forward without you having to put energy into keeping it going or moving it ahead… being responsive without pursuing is different from dropping a ball hoping he’ll come after you over and over… that’s a game… it comes across as needy and insecure ironically… letting him pursue means staying warm, open, available… that is true confidence…  not moving it forward but also not avoiding him… it means being there emotionally open when he does … dropping out to test his pursuit not the same… that is drama and it is a game… you don’t want to do that… a man tires of it as much as he tires of feeling pursued… On a gut level, he can feel the difference between a classy woman who let’s him lead and an insecure woman who is trying to be hard to get… even if he can’t put words to the sense he has… the game, the drama, will eventually kill his love and his respect for you)

In general, don’t text too much or you may end up in a fantasy relationship.

One or two texts or email replies before you have met (if online dating) and when you are further into a relationship (i.e. you are the apple of a man’s eye, a man who is not interested in other women because he is so focused on you, is calling every day, inviting you out regularly, picking you up for dates, paying, thinking future, etc.), then you can respond a bit more but not a ton, still only one or two at a time. A reply  or two at most when he reaches out and then back to your day… A man can call, take you out, and marry you… instead of texting all the time.

Check out love tips for more on each of these suggestions. Also review online dating tips and texting tips …