Three (3) tips… That’s it.
When the time for physicality comes…. hugs, kisses, warm embrace, touching, making love…
- You are a classy lady… Do Receive and Respond… Do not initiate.
Live in receive and respond mode, not initiation … Initiation is his job.
This is no less true in bed than it is on a text, a call, or a date.
Receive and respond, do not initiate…
2. Do… Melt… “Melting” is the one concept you need for all physical intimacy … Check out my “melting tools” under love tips.
3. Don’t have sex to get close. Don’t have sex to get commitment. It will not work. Men’s brains are wired differently. Physically. They can’t help it. Don’t be mad. Be smart. A man does not release the same quantity of Oxytocin at orgasm that a woman does. Oxytocin is a bonding hormone. Men do not associate physical intimacy with commitment. They may say they do but they are not physically wired to do so and if you watch their actions, rather than words, you can learn that this is the case.. Just as they do not associate cohabitation, exclusivity, or dating longevity with commitment… men do not associate sex with commitment… we do… by default… physiologically.
Don’t blame you. Don’t blame him. Just be smart.
A good man may care that sex means something to you…and sex may make him feel connected… it won’t make him committed… As polite as he may be about your feelings of attachment, sex won’t change how he feels about a commitment with you. Commitment happens from his heart. Not his head.. And not any other body part.
In fact, there is only one thing that a man associates with commitment:
… actual commitments… the ones he makes not the ones you make …
And the only actual commitment in a man’s mind is marriage.
Men fall in love as they invest in you. Every bit of investment a man proactively makes invests his heart more in you and a relationship. That’s why you must leave space for him to invest and respond with appreciation when he does. Don’t take the reins and invest in him.. As a woman, you inspire by responding and appreciating, not by giving. If you invest in thinking about a man, doing things for him, pursuing him, calling him, baking him pies, you drive him away. You are stealing his thunder and standing in the way of him falling in love which he can only do when he is giving o you.. A man cannot fall in love with a woman who is investing thoughts, energy, and actions in him. He can’t fall in love if he didn’t have to invest his thoughts, energy, and actions into pursuing you. It’s how a man is wired. We share love, we feel attached. We do and we feel attached the more we do. But, he doesn’t feel attached by the things we do no matter how sweet they are. The more we stand in his way by doing for him, the less attached he feels. He may be polite… he may enjoy what we do and the fruits of our labor. But, he doesn’t feel attached to us. A man falls in love as he invests… his action, his doing and his pursuing, him giving to you… It’s how he is wired. Once this is embraced or even accepted as a working hypothesis to test out, you can begin to use tools for inspiring and living in respond mode rather than invest mode. As life becomes easier, simpler, more rewarding, you will heal and find love.
For more on that, read about “How men fall in love” in love tips.