Allowing a man the “space to pursue”

“Space to pursue” is a simple idea… not easy… hardest when we feel scared or insecure or get stuck in our minds… but it is possible to learn and change.

It means allowing a man to be the one who “closes the gap” between the two of you.

Letting a man call, ask questions, propose ideas, ask for dates, pick you up, plan, think about what to do, etc. Seek you out in the other room if you are married in the same house.

Let him initiate, and you respond….

This is a form of giving a man space that he needs in general, in fact it is the main way that needed space can be a part of a close relationship.

If a man starts saying he needs space, certainly lean back and give it to him then… but also ask yourself, have I been pursuing? If he is asking for space, it may mean that you have not been allowing the space in this day to day way because you have become the one pursuing and “closing the gap” between you.

He needs this space in order for him to feel good coming toward you. And to feel free, like he is not trapped.

There are some visceral biological differences between men and women, physiological. We need more oxytocin to feel good than they do. And in fact, floods of oxytocin, while they feel good to both people in a relationship, also decrease testosterone. For a man, this needs a bit of a recharge. If he is getting that recharge in little ways, by not being pursued and fixated on, he won’t feel the desire to take that in big ways like backing away and disappearing altogether.

The tricky part…It is not really space if it is a game or strategy.

It is not the same thing as “playing hard to get”…. It is not “the rules”…. Why not?

Playing hard to get is still about HIM… which is, ironically, a form of pursuit… mental pursuit… There is no real space in a strategy.

He will not feel like he authentically has space if you are pursuing him in your mind by strategizing about him, i.e. playing hard to get.

Tricky stuff…

Nuanced distinction but real…

A man can feel if he is in the clutches of a woman’s strategy.

He won’t truly feel free.

He won’t respect you.

He will sense inauthenticity and eventually he will be turned off.

You truly allow space when you authentically lean back and allow a man to come toward you when he feels inspired… and if it is authentic, when he does, you will be able to respond with openness, rather than feeling furious that it took him so long.

So… how do you authentically do all of this? And why? How does it also benefit YOU? Which is of course very important!

Look at everything, including feelings of longing, pining, fear, or insecurity, as an opportunity, a gift, and enter those feelings fully in your body, not your mind.

If you are in your mind, it will become too hard, you will talk yourself out of it, and you will either pursue or be angry when he does come toward you. This is why it is important to practice being in your body and your feelings over and over again until it becomes who you really are, an authentic feeling woman who can handle her feelings and respect space.

Don’t miss an opportunity to grow attuned to your own feelings… icky uncomfortable ones too… take any opportunity that are given as a gift, a chance to become a fully capable woman, a woman capable of feeling anything… icky feelings too…. not acting on feelings with forms of pursuit, not making it about a particular man or making it his responsibility in this moment… pursuing a man as a way of stopping your discomfort will short circuit your own feelings, push a man away, and stunt your growth as a fully feeling woman.

Instead, own your feelings, even the icky ones, track them in your body, feel in the moment, name them, use moments where you feel insecure as practice for being an authentic fully feeling woman by staying with the feeling in your body.

Once you have honored you icky feelings by feeling them, by not stuffing, then… next… find ways to shift your feeling and find some source of authentic joy in the moment.

Friendships, dates with other men if you are not married, hobbies, colors, sights, sounds, your butt on a comfy chair, fluffy pillows, flowers, your dog or cat… whatever brings joy in the moment that you can really feel in your body…

When a particular man’s energy isn’t coming toward you in a given moment, don’t fixate on him and fill that space by pursuing him in your mind or outwardly.

It pushes that particular man away and it stunts your own growth as a woman.

Instead, become a woman who is fully capable with the uncomfortable.

It is like moving to level 2.

If you have already gotten skilled at identifying basic feelings and good ones… “warm, cold, sleepy, happy, excited”… then, the “space”, when it feels not good, can be a chance for you to get skilled at identifying the feelings that don’t feel as good, feel them, and also the skill of shifting your own feelings rather than stuffing or acting on them.

Doesn’t sound fun, does it?

It is not fun learning how to embrace these feelings but it can and will change your life, heal you, change neural pathways, get easier, break bad habits and toxic patterns with men, and mature you as a woman. To become a woman who is skilled at this… who can feel the full range of her own emotions… and can handle them…  will change your relationship with all men (including the one you are feeling triggered by) much for the better… And it will heal and change you too…


How a Man Feels Safe

This is also simple… but not easy… It is probably the hardest one for most of us to learn.

A man feels safe being himself… when you are authentic to your own feelings, not fixated on him, and you share and cherish your own feelings openly, and let him cherish you too.

  1. Authentic to your own feelings – this means knowing how you feel in your body moment to moment. And expressing it. You’ll need to practice. If you are like most of us, you spend more time in your head than your feelings. Start feeling… less thinking… notice physical sensations, what’s around you, colors, sights, sounds, notice your own basic feelings and emotions … I feel sleepy, hot, cold, warm, glad, mad, sad, afraid… this moment… now…
  2. Not fixated on him – this means your feelings are yours, you own them, they are not feelings about him, caused by him, because of him, or about the relationship… that is back into analysis, not feeling. This is tricky… You’ll have to practice tracking your body, dropping from your mind into your body, over and over… to get this.
  3. You put your OWN feelings first. before his. And you share yours. That means… you don’t stuff, ignore, or analyze your feelings. You feel them… fully. And you share them. I feel… “happy, sad, mad, afraid, warm, sleepy” …. you don’t put his feelings first. To put his first, you have to be fixated on him, analyzing, and back in your head again… If he knows you take care of you,  then he can relax, open up, be him, and feel safe with you. If he chooses to share a feeling, listen, respect it, and see how you feel hearing it.

This may feel like tough stuff but it can be learned…

It may seem odd that he feels safe when you put you first… when you feel, honor, and share your feelings… he does… it gives him space, you’re focused on you, not fixated on him, and he can “just be”… he can be himself too, even more so than he was on his own because as a woman, your ability to feel fully is one of the unique things that he isn’t as attuned to in himself. Being a feeling woman in his presence is a gift to him. And it gives him SPACE to be him and also to freely choose to cherish your feelings. And he truly wants to.

He only can cherish you if you know how you feel and you cherish your feelings first. And he can be most fully and safely himself in the presence of a woman who can do this.

The three simple things a man needs…

The 3 Things!

1. To feel successful with you… like he can make you happy…

He feels this when you appreciate him regularly.

2. To feel safe being himself around you…

He feels this when YOU are comfortable being YOU… accepting of yourself… authentic to your feelings… and not fixated on him.

3. Space to pursue… He needs to be the one to “close the gap”…

He has this need met when he does the calling, initiating, question-asking, requesting, driving,  planning, and proposing…

… and you are receiving and responding rather than initiating. Imagine physically leaning back in the relationship… And he comes toward you.

That’s about it.

Appreciation, safety, and space to pursue.

If any of these are missing, you can make small adjustments to see your relationship (and your life) turn around quickly for the better.

There is Faith in the Asking – Matt 14:25-33 – 3/7/2017

25 Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. 26 When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear.27 But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.” 28 “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.” 29 “Come,” he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus.30 But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”31 Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?” 32 And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. 33 Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”

Often when we read this passage, or at least my experience has been, there is a focus on Peter’s lack of faith leading to his sinking in the water. It often seems the moral of the story is that “if we have faith, we succeed, and if we don’t have enough faith, we fail”. I am not so sure that is the primary point of this passage. And we know that it is not the case that we are in control of all that happens in our world simply based on how much faith we have. The theology that results that idea can be tragic. For instance, if I don’t have enough faith, I cannot heal my own cancer? If a child dies, was it because I didn’t have enough faith? Clearly the Lord is not saying this.

I am struck by the faith that Peter displays… in the asking… “Lord, if it’s you… tell me to come to you on the water”. Imagine you are in a boat on a dark, cold, windy night. Even if you saw your friend walking on water, or you thought you did, would it occur to you to ask your friend to inspire and equip YOU to walk on water to meet him in the middle of a lake? Probably not… you would not imagine it possible. Maybe my friend can do all sorts of things, acrobatics, magic tricks, not me. But, Peter knows the Lord. He has seen enough to know that Peter can do things he could not before when he is in the presence of Christ who equips him. This is evidenced by the public ministry of the disciples… The disciples participate in sharing the Lord’s gifts with others, not simply as bystanders but as servants to the Lord’s ministry… participants in ministry. It is reasonable in Peter’s mind that the Lord may be walking on water even if there is no one else He could imagine to be capable of such a feat. It is a step beyond to ask him “Lord equip me to walk on water too….”

One way that Peter recognizes Christ is the fact that the Lord can not only do great things but also has equipping power. In his presence, when he is asked, when Peter humbles Himself to ask, Peter is equipped do things in cooperation with the Lord that he cannot do on his own or may not even think to ask. In asking for help to walk on water, Peter IS displaying faith in the identity of Christ as the only one who equips Peter to go beyond Himself. It is also the case that equipping power is way that we recognize the Lord. No human power equips us, inspires us from within, calls us, sends us, and empowers us. The Lord does not only do mighty works and put on a show. He also equips us as we enter into a willing, open, trusting, two-way relationship with him.

This is not the same as the Lord orchestrating our circumstances to please us so long as we pray hard enough. It is equipping of us to do what is within his our purview, our will cooperating with the Lord’s, to go beyond ourselves. We still live in a world with others and with circumstances. Much of those things are not in our purview. However, we can always ask to be equipped, to be inspired, to be invited, to participated in that which we can do. This requires openness, humility, trust, faith, and willingness.

When Peter begins to sink, he has stopped believing in himself and the Lord’s equipping power. He has stopped focusing on who the Lord is and has started turning inward toward his own fear and limitations. This is where we sink. We turn away from the Lord and inward toward ourselves and our limitations. It is the difference between focusing on Him who equips us and focusing on ourselves.

In what areas of your life can you turn outward to the Lord and ask for his help today. Help to equip you in all things within your purview? In what areas can you be focused on him today… less focused on yourself and your limitations, more focused on Him and Christ in you… so that you can meet the Lord out on the water of your own life and calling?


“Stay with me”

Healing my relationship with food after decades of disordered attachment and aversion.

Food is relational…..

Paradigm shift – “What if every meal is a date with God?” “What if I never had to feel lonely again at mealtime?” “What if food is a relationship, not an object?”

I have been experiencing a healing paradigm with food and eating. Every meal is a date with God… Eating is relational, not transnational.

The words that reach me in the midst of eating are “stay with me”.

“Stay with me” is a call to  presence: Mind, body, soul. Essentially a call back from a desolate dissociative place where I’ve been going since I was a kid. Imagine when a person is about to die…. paramedics are on their way and the loved one says “Don’t go to sleep, stay with me”. As morbid as this sounds, it is not. It is breakthrough… Read on. You’ll see.

I was not aware until doing some healing work that every eating experience was a trauma trigger… Imagine that… And since I was a child I formed a habit of dissociating at mealtime, any time I consume, prepare, or select food. Those 3 activities are trauma triggers.

Growing up, I rushed while eating to get away from the table as soon as possible. This came to me one day at a silent retreat.

The tension, the stress, fear, anxiety of living in that house. Meanwhile I was literally reformatting my brain, my hard drive, to escape into food over and over and over. To associate food with pain and pleasure, with escape and avoidance, with euphoria and suffering.

To heal from that many years of one way… a new paradigm is needed. And a new brain…

Also, loneliness and food had always commingled  for me. I was escaping into food, seeking comfort in it, seeking family in it, seeking friendship in it, seeking love in it, seeking companionship in it. And, at the same time, it was a wall between me and actual friendship, actual love, actual companionship. Where Jesus broke bread with disciples, I would break bread in the presence of others but my heart, soul, and body (and my brain – neurologically) would leave the table, checking out. People are in front of me and I am not with them.

In other words, eating was a double edged sword… Escaping into it as a habit to find solace, comfort, love, and friendship. And instead, I was always finding cold comfort, worse yet, finding cold comfort even when others are right in front of me perhaps offering the real thing. Years later, decades into adulthood. I was still that little girl at the table trying to escape into food and from the table, no matter who was in front of me. Food was a distraction… Love/hate, approach/avoid, no peace. It wasn’t part of being with people. It was my exit.

There is a solution, a way out of this. Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. Food as a new relationship, a date with God and eventually part of a date with others.

This means spiritual and emotional healing, also physical healing, neural pathway healing. If any one of those ideas puts you off, don’t worry. Take your pick. The experience works on all levels.

Now, these days, at mealtime (I have 3 meals … and 1 snack around 3pm, maybe another if needed, I am not rigid. I am honest and discerning about that), always inviting God into

1.  prep

2. food selection and

3. consumption.

That is 3 activities. And it’s not an idea. It’s a reality. T

his means… I am having a date with God. I never have to be lonely again at mealtime. It means I have gone from dreading meals as a cold comfort, a dissociative ritual and a love/hate relationship with something I have to do that I associate with counterfeit love…. to looking forward to meals instead… It is almost like a fun game. That game is healing my brain one meal at a time. And more than that. Soul healing too. Relational healing. An experience of not feeling lonely.

How does that work?

Meal time has become somewhat sacred. An intentional date. Not so much relying on God, although this is happening too in a way but it is more like communing with God. I literally think “wow, this is a date. The opposite of loneliness.” That thought does something in my brain… physically. It’s the opposite message that my brain got as early as I can remember. The old message was “I am in a burning building, about to die (table in my f’d up home) and I need to get out as soon as possible” This is the opposite. It is a corrective experience.

Another thing happens. That new presence of mind creates space for warmth and connection to happen. I eat slowly. I select slowly. I prepare slowly. While I am eating, this new world of being not lonely contrasts with decades prior and there is grieving that bubbles up and it happens and instead of the grieving feeling empty, it feels like a full experience of reality. This grieving needs to happen. It is healing. The measure of loss comes up for healing. The difference between mealing warmly on a date with a loving God and what it was like to meal as a child in an abusive home. There is a measure of loss. I am entering right into it rather than dissociating from it. This is transformative and life-changing, one day, one meal, one snack, one neural pathway at a time.

I am reminded of my ACA (Adult Children of Family Dysfunction) recovery. Over a period of 3 years, I was simultaneously working on a new healthier relationship with my mom in the present while that sort of exposure therapy of getting to know her as a friend was also triggering needed grieving. I didn’t have to expose her to that aspect. It would not be wise or helpful. I could simply feel that measure of loss from the past and maybe share it with others at times. She and I were becoming friends, non-codependent, no rescuing on either side, no fixing, no drama, sharing cat videos rather than stories, and at the same time, the little girl inside me was grieving never having had that mommy she craved day to day and the reality that she never will be able to have that. Never get those years back. That needed to be faced and felt fully. Both were happening at once. The new was forming in a better way and loss was being grieved all in the same events. Exposure therapy is the best analogue / paradigm to convey this. There is no working around grief. It has to come up. A life of denial, dissociation, and limitation in relationships is the only alternative to that.

Food is a great analogue. Very similar.

A relational paradigm has been healing me one meal at a time while the broken relationship of the past is being grieved. All the years I came home at 3pm as a kid… the one thing I had to look forward to was fruit roll ups in the cupboard. That was my 5 minutes of euphoria and excitement. The denial, indulging in the anticipation of relational needs being met in the eating experience. And then a hit followed by loneliness instead. An addictive relationship formed. Decades later, I still feel lonely at 3PM. I treat it with a walk or the best treatment is a walk with a friend. Relational needs are the ones I needed to be met and those are met in relationship. They never were met in that house. Now I have hope… Another fun game. Making my 3PM walk and snack not a lonely time. Not a time for dissociation, quick hits, and euphoria, followed by desolation. Something better. A true relational experience, an experience of connection. It also happens to be that I benefit from a metabolic snack around that time for a physical reason but that snack is different than a fruit roll up escape. A healthy intentional snack and a date with God, with the beautiful world, maybe a friend. a walk, photography, nature, a girlfriend. A corrective experience.

I always wanted food to be like other undesirables in life… Some people are addicted to cigarettes or alcohol. The answer is to quit…. I wanted it to be something I could just do away with because it felt like an enemy… And, food is not like that for obvious reasons. And then I just realized, this reality is a gift, a blessing. Eating is not a relationship I can run from. I used to run from the table at every meal… family time was awful. I used to run from the houses at holidays. My birthday was a great time for a fight, not a time to be celebrated. I would run crying from celebratory meals and I would run anxiously from any other meal. Running is not an option. I have to eat.

Why is this good?

Like I didn’t choose to run from my relationship with my mom with the help of friends who helped me to navigate a shift…. Instead I used it instead as a way of healing with her and healing myself through the exposure therapy… exposure to the new healthier relationship and exposure to the grieving of my past. Similarly, healing with food is something that has to be done using exposure therapy, not aversion. This, it turns out, is a blessing in disguise. So many meals and so many snacks. So many opportunities many times / day to enter into a date with God and a new relationship, a healthier one, and to grieve the measure of loss from the past where that relationship was broken.

Little bits of healing at every experience of selection, preparation, consumption. What a gift.

More to come soon…

What makes us unchristian is the absence of Christ – 2/1/2017

“What makes us unchristian is the absence of Christ”

P .26 Magnificat – February 2017 Edition

As I was reading this, I felt drawn into it, to pause. Isn’t this true? It is not simply an epithet. It’s ontological. It’s literally the case that we are unchristian when we are physically absent Christ. I.E. No matter how good an act looks or well-intentioned, in the absence of His actual presence, the act is not a Christian act. On the flip side, in the presence of Christ, an act, however baffling it may appear, is a Christian act. This means… It is not about how we identify or think of ourselves that makes us “Christian”, nor is it our deeds, nor is it the prayer we said at conversion time… It is about Christ’s ontological presence in and through us. This is all that it means to be Christian. To be in his presence and operating from that communion with Him moment to moment. That means, it’s not a one and done. It is an ongoing relationship. And while our deeds are not Christian or unchristian, his witness is seen in those deeds when they are inspired of his presence and this can be the case regardless of how a person identifies him or herself. The moment MY identity as a Christian becomes paramount, it is immediately narcissism. It is about HIS presence always. Witness is always about HIS presence and HIS presence only which can be seen in and through us and our deeds and it can also be smothered by us and even by our good deeds. This may sound paradoxical but it is not. It is simply true. Christ is a living, breathing, Person…. inspiring Himself in and through us as we commune with Him… or not. There is grace and also our response which is either welcoming or rejecting of His presence. And this decision is not simply made once, nor is it even made daily, it is made moment to moment in our life, our loves, and our choices. Will we love Him or will we reject Him by loving ourselves more? This can happen in any human person at any given time as we are all made in His likeness and image. There is no special club but there is a choice. Do I want credit or do I want Christ?

Healing with Quotes: Lectio Divina Applied to Quotations

Bathing in the healing power of words…

In contemplative Christian spirituality, there is a practice called “lectio divina”… a prayer practice in which a person slowly reads a bible passage, dwelling on each of the words. Generally, a passage is read 3 times by a reader and a listener simply listens… allowing whatever comes up… to come up… This edifies the reader, basking… being bathed in the healing power of words being read. This can also be done on one’s own. To read even a single verse… slowly, 2-3 times… may take 10 minutes or so. A reader feels a shift… and good things happen.

Since not all of my ladies reading here are Christian and even for ladies who are Christian, I would like to offer an expanded experience in which you can apply a lectio divina mindset to any good thing you see, feel, hear, or read… as a practice of “entering in…” to an experience. Applying the idea of entering in slowly… basking… being bathed in a good thing that is happening right now. We often go to our analytic minds for answers and we get ensnared. For my Christian friends who may be skeptics, we are told to take “every thought captive to the obedience of Christ…” this means not simply analyzing thoughts or replacing thoughts with yet more or better thoughts… rather it means entering fully into the presence of Christ in each moment as we experience a thought or anything else we see, touch, or feel for that matter. The intent of that Scripture is to remind us to be present with Christ himself, not simply to analyze ideas “about” Him.

For my non-Christian friends, a lectio divina state of mind experience, can be a deep experience of goodness, healing, and can lead to maturing emotionally by becoming more real, more aware of our own feelings, more aware of what others are sharing, less checked out. Fully entering into a phrase can do this… But it can also happen by entering sensations, colors, sounds, sights, feelings, stories, paintings, scenes, sky, radio, conversation, eating food, the taste of it, or… words of another (entering the words of a man as if you are in a story with him as he tells it… not focusing on him… focusing on the words being shared… listening deeply to the words and stories of another person – this will draw a man to you and he won’t even know why… he will feel connected to you… this is not the same as obsessing about what a man says or focusing on him as he tells the story… it’s more like being another character alongside him in the scene he is describing… co-pilot if he is sharing a story of flying his plane… a passenger in the car if he is sharing a story about being on the road… check out my tool for deep listening in love tips for more on this dating and relationship tool). In the experience of basking in words, you experience your own life to the full by slowing it down. Also, things will come to you that are helpful, healing, edifying. Things you need to know. Things you didn’t notice before when you were consumed with your thoughts.

In Christian life, there is a concept of “discernment”.

Discernment, for a Christian, is something we cultivate through prayer…and practice. It is a gift, like everything good is a gift… But, it is also cultivated… just like everything that matures only matures through cultivation. Discernment, for a Christian, is essentially, the idea of getting good at “hearing God’s voice”…  But, in more general terms, non-Christian terms, we can call it getting good at “being present”. In neurological or physical terms (loosely, not highly technical  terms) we can call it that which leads to forming new neural pathways so that we become habituated at being attentive to life. Presence can actually become a habit that will equip you to connect with your feelings and other human beings. The world is lonely without connection. In a sense, many of us are lonely, walking around disconnected much of the time… in drama and stories, in a state of dissociation. This means we are disconnected from people even as we are interacting with them… like the state of Adam Sandler in the movie “click” whenever he used the fast-forward button on his life remote… we are  stuck in our analysis… or  caught in a combination of fear/anxiety and the draining mental effort we have on auto-pilot which is consistently trying to hide, stuff down, or escape the anxiety while putting on airs… It is exhausting and disconnecting us from others … we can’t connect in that state. To connect, we have to practice. I’m not hear to debate science or theology. I AM an empiricist, among other things. This works. It changes lives. It heals. It connects. It draws love in. I’ve seen it time and time again in my own life and the lives of all sorts of suffering women. I don’t care about science or theology debate here. I care about results. I care about women everywhere healing and experiencing joy, love, peace, true intimacy with a man and everyone else. This works. Try it yourself and see.

Read a quote or anything that brings you joy a few times slowly. If the thing you try first doesn’t move you, don’t get frustrated. Just drop it. Work with something else that does move you. And try it next time something jumps out at you or you hear something that feels good or feels wise or profound. It’s also okay, even good, to try it with things that “move” you. In other words, it is not pollyanna. We are not stuffing feelings and only feeling good one. Not all things you experience need to make you feel “happy” in order to heal you. In fact, variety is good. We have all sorts of feelings we have dissociated from. It is good to experience whatever is actually happening. You will be healed by being able to feel moved… in any way… sad, nostalgic, whatever the feelings are that you have as you read words, go with it. Let them move you.

No analyzing… If it feels like too much or it starts to get boring, drop it and move on to the next thing.

Practice being “movable”. This will inspire a man to feel safe with you too. If you are movable, not only can a man get close to the real you but he can drop his act too. He can be movable… every man craves this and he doesn’t even know it.He only has access to the fullness of this life through a woman who can feel.

In Catholic spirituality, there is the concept of the world being “sacramental”. That means that there is NO divorce between the physical, emotional, spiritual, and visual. A person, for example, is an integrated whole, not just a bunch of parts. Just like you, as a person, are not just your parts, but rather a person, you, similarly all that we see, touch, and feel is itself  integrated. Now go ahead and forget that. You don’t have to believe or agree with theology or philosophy to benefit here. I bring it up for my Catholic friends to draw an association that may be helpful… also for my non-Catholic friends to access your intuitive understanding of the idea of something being integrated… this may help you to enter into a thing fully, integrated rather than falling into that neural groove of hyper-analyzing and breaking things down, a mind habit. If the concept is unhelpful, forget it, and move on…

Let’s get back to basics. Try on a lectio divina state of mind with quotes, feelings, visuals, images, stories, etc… To Do…

Read a quote or anything that brings you joy a few times slowly. If the thing you try first doesn’t move you, don’t get frustrated. Just drop it. Work with something else that does move you. And try it next time something jumps out at you or you hear something that feels good or feels wise or profound. It’s also okay, even good, to try it with things that “move” you. In other words, it is not pollyanna. We are not stuffing feelings and only feeling good one. Not all things you experience need to make you feel “happy” in order to heal you. In fact, variety is good. We have all sorts of feelings we have dissociated from. It is good to experience whatever is actually happening. You will be healed by being able to feel moved… in any way… sad, nostalgic, whatever the feelings are that you have as you read words, go with it. Let them move you.

Not analyzing… If it feels like too much or it starts to get boring, drop it and move on to the next thing.

Let me know how this helps you. I know that it will.