This is also simple… but not easy… It is probably the hardest one for most of us to learn.
A man feels safe being himself… when you are authentic to your own feelings, not fixated on him, and you share and cherish your own feelings openly, and let him cherish you too.
- Authentic to your own feelings – this means knowing how you feel in your body moment to moment. And expressing it. You’ll need to practice. If you are like most of us, you spend more time in your head than your feelings. Start feeling… less thinking… notice physical sensations, what’s around you, colors, sights, sounds, notice your own basic feelings and emotions … I feel sleepy, hot, cold, warm, glad, mad, sad, afraid… this moment… now…
- Not fixated on him – this means your feelings are yours, you own them, they are not feelings about him, caused by him, because of him, or about the relationship… that is back into analysis, not feeling. This is tricky… You’ll have to practice tracking your body, dropping from your mind into your body, over and over… to get this.
- You put your OWN feelings first. before his. And you share yours. That means… you don’t stuff, ignore, or analyze your feelings. You feel them… fully. And you share them. I feel… “happy, sad, mad, afraid, warm, sleepy” …. you don’t put his feelings first. To put his first, you have to be fixated on him, analyzing, and back in your head again… If he knows you take care of you, then he can relax, open up, be him, and feel safe with you. If he chooses to share a feeling, listen, respect it, and see how you feel hearing it.
This may feel like tough stuff but it can be learned…
It may seem odd that he feels safe when you put you first… when you feel, honor, and share your feelings… he does… it gives him space, you’re focused on you, not fixated on him, and he can “just be”… he can be himself too, even more so than he was on his own because as a woman, your ability to feel fully is one of the unique things that he isn’t as attuned to in himself. Being a feeling woman in his presence is a gift to him. And it gives him SPACE to be him and also to freely choose to cherish your feelings. And he truly wants to.
He only can cherish you if you know how you feel and you cherish your feelings first. And he can be most fully and safely himself in the presence of a woman who can do this.