More About Sex: How to Recover From Oxytocin Overdose

What if you had sex before you are ready… now you feel attached … he may care for you or he may not… you are not committed… not married… and marriage is not on the table.

You start to feel insecure… You start to feel needy… You want to cling or withdraw or some combination…. You suddenly want more time with him but you want to play it cool…

Don’t be cool, weird, inauthentic, or crazy…  No drama… Try this …

  1. Tell him! “I feel needy… I feel insecure… oh, this feels hard for me…” You can almost make it playful… But it’s true too. A confident woman shares how she truly feels. No games, no apologies, no sheepishness. He can handle it. He can relax with you when you are open. He can give to you and take care of your needs which makes him feel good…like a man. You are letting him in by sharing this truth with him. No drama. It’s respectable. It’s reasonable. You’re not apologizing, grovelling, or playing games.
  2. Don’t stuff the feelings: But remind yourself – Oxytocin is literally in your bloodstream – clouding your rational judgment – it will wear off a bit in a few days or a week. It bonds a man and a woman… it is consummation of a marriage on every level, including physically … a bit trickier in the absence of a real commitment… hence the feelings of disconnect between feelings of attachment and a reality of no actual commitment. Regardless of your religious stance, this cognitive dissonance is undeniably reflected in the biological and physiological reality of attachment feelings … So remind yourself of the reality of oxytocin. It can ground you in those moments of insecurity. And if premarital sex violates your values as a Christian, talk to someone about that. Clergy.
  3. Let yourself feel it… Let yourself feel close. Don’t push him away… share your feelings and needs. “It feels good to see you more if we have sex”… “I need to hear from you more. I feel a bit insecure, needy, clingy”… Cuts through drama. A man wants to give. And any man, even a not so good one, respects a woman who speaks this way.

 

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