To Dont’s: Cheat Sheet (Quick Reference Guide) – Top 10 Tips

DON’T say to a man: 10 Things…

  1. Don’t say “But…” (The word “but” triggers his competitive energy). Do Say “AND…”
  2. Don’t say… “I want…” This activates his competitive mind… puts you in the friend zone… hampers his ability to freely give to you. Freely giving to the woman is a man’s lifeblood. It’s in his DNA. Don’t steal his thunder.
  3. Don’t say… “I think…” This activates his competitive mind. Puts you in the friend zone… Do say… “I feel…” This activates his pursuing, protecting drive. Instinctively.
  4. NEVER TELL HIM WHAT TO DO… NEVER… EVER… EVER… (for an exaggerated example… See “pass the salt” in love tips)
  5. DON’T ARGUE. Don’t fight fair… Fight Feminine. DO share feelings using I statements. Don’t use the word “you” ever again from here on out. Especially not in the midst of tension. (Best to say “I don’t know… I don’t want to argue… if he’s picking a fight… DO say… I love you… this doesn’t feel good… or… if necessary… I love you and I don’t want to talk about that … or… if hearing his words feels bad inside…DO say … you’re free to say this but it feels bad… And then, duck out for the time being…) If you are feeling flooded, back out of a discussion. Arguing with a man and using a lot of words at any time for any reason is like saying “… I think…” on steroids. Don’t do it. Firstly, it activates competitive energy in a man, changes his physiology. There ARE ways for a lady to be heard. Silence is the most powerful. Silence is the power language of a lady. A few vulnerable words about your own feelings followed by silence is most effective. He will hear you in that silence later… as he reflects. Hearing you later in  silence is very typical for a man … not if you keep talking. Then he drowns you out. It is physiological. Men flood faster than woman. They have a lower threshold for emotional conflict. If you are feeling like you stuck are in a loop… feeling repetitive…. if you are using a lot of words (for any reason at all) you are trying to control him… he feels that… he rebels … instinctively… EVERY time… Instead, find a way out of the conversation IMMEDIATELY. Once you fall into an arguing pattern, it is a death knell for “EROS” and intimacy. It changes a man’s brain… rewiring him to see you as an enemy… competition. A man cannot be attracted to a woman who he is competing with. Masculine vs. masculine kills the “Eros” . Secondly, he CANNOT HEAR YOU when he feels threatened… it is biology… physiology… neurology… He can hear anger … he can handle anger (see more on anger in love tips) … He cannot her you when he feels threatened by competition… too many words shut him down too. Always stay in  your feminine mode. Even when angry. A woman may yell and express her feelings but then off she goes. She doesn’t overstay her welcome or argue…
  6. Don’t initiate sex or physical intimacy – he feels turned off. He MAY appreciate the sex. He WON’T appreciate you.
  7. DON’T ASK QUESTIONS (2 exceptions: 1. What do you think? (DO ask that OFTEN) 2. Are you mad at me? (Feel free to ask that – it is disarming and it may open needed dialogue… When a man withdraws notably, it ALWAYS means he’s angry – likely he feels disrespected. He doesn’t have the words to tell you so. Asking if he is mad may help. On this point… See also… my post entitled “For a man… Respect = Love”)
  8. Don’t ask WHAT he is thinking (He feels smothered).
  9. Don’t ask how he feels (He feels mothered)
  10. Don’t Talk First. Don’t Lead. Don’t Initiate. DO Receive and Respond. Always… Let him ask questions. Let him ask you out. Let him propose. Let him wrestle with the words to pursue. Men appreciate what they pursue. It’s instinctive. It’s biological. It’s not a game. Don’t be mad. Be smart. For more on this, read about “letting him lead” in love tips.

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