Let a man give to you. And let yourself receive from him…
Don’t minimize or reject his gifts. His giving is his way of connecting with your heart.
When you share your appreciation, appreciate the gift, not the giver.
That may sound odd. But a man feels good when he gives to you and you can truly enjoy what he is sharing.
If the appreciation becomes focused on him or the relationship or what the gift means about something, it comes across as needy! And it detracts from truly appreciating and enjoying fully what you’ve received, in the moment, enjoying the gift…
Imagine lighting up in the presence of the man as your gift. It’s all he needs. To witness your joy and know he had something to do with it.
When a man gives to you, he REALLY wants to make you happy.
His gifts are like cupid’s little arrows…
He feels successful when his gifts truly make you happy, whether it is a phone call, a date idea, flowers, dinner, the shingles he puts on your house, a compliment, his idea for the best plumber in town, some online research to find something for you, or the ring on your finger.
How do I still receive flowers each date from a man after 6 months…
The first time he brought flowers, our second date (our first date was coffee). I took pictures of them. I carefully arranged them. I posted pictures of them (not pictures of us, just of the flowers). I admired the flowers, how beautiful they are. I cut the stems sideways so they would last longer. I added flower food in right away before we left for dinner. I oohed and ahhhed at their beauty. I used snap-seed to tweak the images with glamour glow to bring out the yellow in a sunflower before posting. It was fun. I truly enjoyed receiving them.
Most important… It wasn’t disingenuous. It was authentic.
As I allowed myself to dwell in the moment with the gift, the moment took me over.
I truly allowed myself to receive and enjoy flowers.
I do this anytime I receive flowers. And flowers keep coming.
I have so many vases now. I have flowers in every room.
Flower arranging has become a fun part of my life. I like taking pictures of flowers and I notice them elsewhere.
Appreciating flowers is now one of the little ways I enjoy life.
And… More than flowers… with the man… love keeps coming…
You don’t appreciate by fawning on him, reading into gifts, assessing how he feels about a relationship based on the gift, that exits the moment and puts your into a masculine thinking mode, and cuts off the flow of love….
And you don’t appreciate by giving to him (which steals his thunder!)
If you learn how to receive and enjoy gifts, it will not only improve your relationship with a man, and make him feel good, it will improve your relationship with YOU. It will open your heart to receive love everywhere. This one small shift in how you relate to gifts can change your life. Learn to receive and appreciate cupid’s arrows coming your way.
Again… Appreciate the gift, not the giver. And a man will feel appreciated. He will feel successful with you. He will feel like he can make you happy. And being able to make you happy is one of only 3 things a man needs in a relationship for him to be happy. (1. Appreciation 2. Space to pursue 3. Feeling safe to be himself…that’s all – See “The 3 things” for more…)
And, it becomes authentic as soon as you try it.
Think of it as a meditation”being” in the moment, practice for something bigger, becoming conscious, slowing down and delving into the richness of the present moment.
For example, with the flowers… I TRULY get the most out of them as I take time with them and enjoy them. We may need an extra minute before we leave the house for a date but its well worth it for me, him, and for love.
The moment in life when I receive flowers becomes richer than if I were to miss it tossing them in a vase and running out the door, or worse, analyzing what they mean!
If you’ve been subtly pushing love away being guarded against receiving (and have been giving to a man instead), you will feel your heart open when you give receiving a chance, refraining from an urge to squelch that healing moment by giving back… And lighting up with the little gifts you may have not been noticing.
Receiving means dwelling in the gift, experiencing it fully, taking it in, being with the gift…
The appreciation is a two-fold thing….
1. lighting up with the gift in his presence, and
2. sharing your authentic feelings of joy in the gift with him… See below for examples….
You will truly learn how to enjoy the little things in life.
Your neural pathways will change.
You will become a good receiver… a woman who is open and a natural at letting love in… a woman who has no time to fixate or obsess or analyze meaning because you are too busy feeling loved, enjoying the little things in life, being present, and feeling in the moment.
When you focus on the man rather than his gift, he feels rejected! Can you imagine?
Here you are trying to appreciate him for giving you a gift, and instead of feeling appreciated, he feels rejected.
Most men cannot articulate that, but its visceral. He may even feel annoyed, smothered, or mothered, and less likely to want to give more. If it becomes about him or the relationship.
On the other hand, men feel appreciated when they know they can make you happy with the things they try to do for you. Not what you do for them or what you ask and demand.
In fact, I heard from him recently that he feels hurt anytime I turn down his offers to give! He wants to help and if I don’t let him, it hurts his feelings!
It is not so much that a man needs to hear from you how much you love him or how much you want the relationship to work or that want to be with him forever.
That’s what WE need to hear…. biologically so we tend to err… by trying to give a man the things that WE need assuming they are like us.
When a man knows he can give to you and you can feel joy in what you receive from him, it rocks his world, it builds a connection and ultimately rocks yours.
If you are not used to feeling loved, maybe there is trauma, and you’re shut down and don’t even know it, all of these little love arrows coming at you can be healing. So let the love in.
Today… try noticing 1-2 things your man does for you.
They can be small.
Appreciate 1-2 little things in your body and the moment first and share it aloud.
More importantly than gifts coming your way… more intimacy, attention, and love come with it.
Men are wired to give to a woman.
We are wired to receive.
Give yourself the gift of letting love in and give a man you love the gift of being able to love you.
Don’t push him away by giving back.
Don’t fall at his feet.
Simply appreciate the gift.
Light up with it in his presence…
That’s the first part…
And then… Here are a few ways to share your appreciation using words…
His gift may be a compliment on your beauty (appreciation = “oh you’re so sweet. That feels nice to hear”)…
… his call to say hello (appreciation = “oh it feels so nice to hear your voice”)…
… a surprise date (“oh what a nice surprise. I’m so excited”)….
… a home depot visit to hang that shingle for you (“oh wow, my house feels so homey now, the roof looks so much better, wow…”)
And… a few physical ways to share…. a rub on the arm, a head tilt, a smile, a kiss on the cheek…
Whatever the gift is, notice … fully receive it… appreciate it… and more will come. From a particular man and from the whole world in general. This will heal and change YOU.
More gifts, more love, more openness inside you… A richer life… A more conscious life… More joy in him… more Eros in your relationship, and more connection…
Try it today…